Memiors at 3am~ My Drug of Choice (poem)

3 AM. Jet lag was still hitting me hard, and sleep in my conditions was very difficult to reach. I laid in bed, with my silk sheets bunched around my legs, a candle illuminating the room as well as the light of the laptop in front of me. I wasn't talking to anyone, I had already said goodnights. But as I tried to sleep, I found thoughts hit me altogether as each individual thread of emotion weaved together. In and out, back and forth, meshing together into a blanket enfolding me, making even myself unrecognizable. I couldn't claim a sole emotion, for each one was intertwined deeply with another.

I was alone, but surrounded; unloved, but in love. Living with the simplest title, but the most complex story on how I earned such. Not ready to let go, but even I was stepping on my own fingers to force myself to do so.

I couldn't fall asleep, so I laid there unweaving the obscure blanket, trying to find the girl under it. Patiently pulling the emotional threads through, I unraveled only enough to find a glimpse of what I hoped to discover. The blanket remains, thinner, but still wrapped around me. I dream of the day where the whole cloth shall be cast off my shoulders, wisped away with the wind, leaving me carefree again, as I had once been. But until then, I continue to pull threads as I lay in my silk sheets with my candle.

And as I untangled, I came up with this poem:

I have a secret
as obvious as the sky
I'm addicted to the drug
that brings the best high

This drug makes you feel
like nothing else matters
makes pain go away
and such bad times shatter

It makes you feel queen
and the luckiest girl!
Yes this is the secret
I have to unfurl.

But with this special drug
comes a quite painful crash
But I had a stocked dealer
and a good load of cash.

~

There were many fake dealers
selling poison mixed in
some took heavy pay
and caused for much sin.

My dealer was humble
a trusted man through
His drugs were quite potent
price reasonable too.

I went to this dealer
for 8 months or so
And he kept me quite high
and his prices quite low

And I would pay extra
to show gratitude
He never minded
although he knew...

knew of other customers
how they craved highs too
And maybe pay higher
With greater value.

So one day he came
said he was needed elsewhere
that his drug wasn't for me
I said that wasn't fair

He said better I was off
"concerned about my health"
So he stopped dealing to me
no matter my wealth

Oh help me dear lord,
oh the angels above
my dealer's stopped dealing
the sweet drug of love!

Meth will cause issues
and so will cocaine
but stop this love drug
and you'll go insane...

~

Oh tell me now listener
I know you're hooked as well
maybe your dealers still giving
or like me, you're in hell

Or possibly you want
but never had your first dose
it's starts with a crush
a note or a rose

But as dealer keeps giving
And we keep on paying
when the dealer stops it all
you'll keep on craving

And then when they deal
to those other souls
You'll envy their highs
and want heads to roll

To them but not you
You'll ask dealers why
Oh this messy situation
to get that love high.

♥